my lil xavier

Xavier is my nephew~

cute right?!!! loves~



hello!



One day i will grow this tall!



Me and my ah gong!

what is that on my head?

cheese!

GRRRRRRRR~

Happy 3rd birthday to me

and i love daddy & mummy very much! muack!!!

Happy schooling!!!!

WANT TO JOIN ME?!!!! :D

i am a happy & lucky baby,

daddy & mummy love me very much,

so does ah gong ah ma and ah yi(me)!

they dote on me (:

their sweet & happy family is so enviable right? (:

lovely family they've got.

i used to be this pair of lovebird's "child"

before Xavier was born. haha.

dedicated to sister, who has been tolerant of me

and watched me grow from a mere toddler to a young lady now.

i love you sis,happy mother's day.

in one way or another,you were like my mother (always pinch me hor?!)

<3

self-multilate.

self-multilated by getting my eyebrow pierced.
so did vian,she got her lip(labret) pierced.
i have 11 7 ear piercings, 1 nose piercing,
1 lip piercing, 1 tongue piercing and 1 smiley piercing.
now all i have is 7 ear piercing, 1 nose,1 eyebrow and thats all.
bad temper recently. getting irritated easily.
but my dearest daddy was e best lah.
got hungry at nite and mentioned wanting to eat sambal stingray + hokkien mee
and POOF he drove and got it for me.
and also bought me choco,strawberry & lemon cream collon + my favorite instant noodles.
and vivian stayed over. there she is slping,
im blogging and smoking my last stick of cig.
yawns,gonna get a new pack again.
slowly i will get used to being widout you.
bcos you dont need me and dont care.

it didnt hurt a bit.
bcos what hurt was inside me.
you've missed the chance,
i have to go now.


i have failed.

Bullshit.

BAD MOOD AND I RLY NEED TO RANT!
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL.
FOR MY WEEKENDS I'VE BEEN WORKING CONSECUTIVELY FOR 2 DAYS.
10 AND A HALF HOURS AT WORK, 1 AND A HALF HOUR EACH DAY FOR MAKE UP & BATH, 1HOUR 15 MIN EACH DAY ON TRANSPORT.
ANY IDEA HOW IS MY SLEEPING HOURS??
FOR YOUR MOTHER FUCKING INFO, I SLEEP AT 1AM AND WAKE AT 8AM.
I HAD NOT ENJOYED MY WEEKEND AT ALL,EVENTHO I LOVE MY WORK.
BUT I AM RLY VRY TIRED. ITS MONDAY TODAY AND I FELL ASLEEP IN SCH.
FIRST LESSON OK??? CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND?
1ST FUCKING THING YOU ALL SHOULD DO AS A BF,A FRIEND,MY FAMILY.
DONT FUCKING IRRITATE ME!
WHICH PART OF MY SENTENCE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND?!
WAITING FOR ME 20MINS JUST LEADS TO SHOUTING AND HANGING ON ME?
FUCK YOU. SHALLOW-MINDED ASSHOLE.
AND I JUST FUCKING HAD A NAP,AS MY FATHER YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TIRED I AM. WILL IT DIE TO SHUT UP FOR ONCE? _l_
BEING HUNGRY ALSO MY FUCKING FAULT HUH? KNN FINE.
AND MY SISTER,WHAT THE FUCKING HELL YOU DOING LAH.
USELESS, WATCH YOUR OWN TV THEN FUCKING SWITCH IT OFF YOURSELF.
TILL NOW I ALWAYS THINK OF HOW I SHOULD HIT YOU HARDER MAN. HAH.
EH AND YOU DUMB ASSES BETTER DONT GET ON MY NERVES.
_l_ DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YOU. LIFE SUCKS SERIOUSLY.
CRYING AND SHOUTING DOESNT HELP MUCH,
NEITHER DOES BLOGGING . FUCK YOU I AM SO REGRETFUL. _l_

may~

made up wit my bii,
muack! <3

Mad by Neyo

MAD [OFFICIAL VIDEO] - NEYO

She's starin' at me,
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'.
Mmmmm
Nobody's talkin',
'Cause talkin' just turns into screamin'.
Ohhh...
And now is I'm yellin' over her,
She's yellin' over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what's even worse).
That we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for...
Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

[Chorus]

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

[Verse 2]

And it gets me upset, girl
When you're constantly accusing.
(Askin' questions like you've already known).
We're fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain't the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa...
[What happened to workin' it out].
We've falled into this place
Where you ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down.

So what the hell do we do now...
It's all for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

he just rang me up. yet i just pushed him away.
we have much to think about....

mad.

i guess i can relate very much to the song Mad by Neyo now.
we're fighting for nothing,
we're not backing out,not giving in for nothing.
and i dont want to go to bed mad at you,
thats how i feel do you understand?
what happened to working things out?
when i listen to tis song,
it just sends the tears down my face when i find out how we started out,
and now how everything ends.
its not that i dont love you anymore.
im just very exhausted/.
the past few posts just showed how upset i was with you,
yet not even words of concern from you.
and we have been fighting for the smallest things.
lets put an end to tis,we will be happier.
and let us think again,whether we could work it out again..,.
i could assure it wouldnt if we cant start giving in.....

i have not slept a wink since yesterday night.
i have been crying for the whole of last night,do you know?
no,you dont...

wished you knew

you're taking me for granted.
i cant hold on any longer.
im having a fever....
what do i get from you instead of love & concern?
hurting words again and again.
all the things you've said will be forever etched in my heart.
equality? im sorry but theres no equality.

at tis moment in time,
i wish someone would just talk to me.
or maybe just try to look in my view and try to understand...
aint gonna think anymore.

IM EXHAUSTED.

how does it feels.

cigarettes are the best antidotes. (:
my body wont function widout nicotine.
BAH! ><

untie me. it does nobody good.
dont drag it any longer.
be what i want. or nothing at all.

nicotine level low=.=
i wna smoke now NOW now
yet im lazy to go downstairs to grab a pack of my favourite marlboro ice mints. =.=

Hush.

dont tell me what to do,
and what not to do.

i dont need it. save it for yourself.
do what you like now..
im washing my hands off you.


you cant fit in like how you used to.
bye.

serious.

im out of patience.
im at my wits end.
why did you morph into someone i will grow to dislike?...
sorry if it hurts/.

need to recharge,
and think again.
time passed in a flash...
but still im not sure. is it too early to commit myself?
im still young.





freedom is essential,
commitment hinders freedom.

retards.

thank god its e last session of my smoking cessation counselling.

bcos i cant stand my so called "classmates" there.

they are seriously a bunch of retards.
techno crazy -.- that was like few years ago lah.

now they still retro-ing =.=!!!!!!

all a bunch of dogs. DUH.

1 thing!!!

mr ong was gg home frm my place just few mins ago,

and it was windy and raining,

as soon as he got to e lift. he felt a cold wind.

then he saw a lady in white with her head down.

he got so freaked out he came back.

i went to check things out and guess what i saw?

burnt incense papers flying about.

its no where near e 7th mth yet incense paper flying about?

i guess mr ong really has e 3rd eye as it isnt e 1st time supernatural thgs happened t him.

he once saw a pair of black feet in e toilet of CWP's 7th floor.

that was when he was still wrking at sakae sushi there,..

and during e recent chalet, they went to red house.

all of e guys were climbing up to the gates to get thru.

he was e last one to climb and he felt a pull. he fell and his thighs got cut.

the scars were like X men=.= lol. he was e last one to climb thru..

thr was clearly no one behind him. how to explain this?

this time,we cant brush it off as a case of over-paranoid or just an accident,.

it happened to my loved one.

off t hug mr ong t slp.

both of us are fucking freaked ouT!!!!!!!

my little baobei

baobei faster come back.
jiejie miss you already!!!!

Obsession.

i want to be skinny.

better still anorexic,.. ):

i hate my body.

i hate my fat face.

what the fuck.

what can i do to be skinny?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_l_

so fucking unfair.

some ppl can eat like nobody's buisness yet stay skinny.

but what about me?

vivian eats like x3 of what i eat. yet she remain slim.

wenjie eats like x5 of me yet he is skinny.

fuck metabolism.

fuck genes.

you've made me inferior and i hate myself la @#!$#!#!@%

CB.

a taste of love.

this show is so fairytale!!!!
please watch!! last time i like ekin cheng alot sia!!
bcos of tis show. he look like a prince right!!!
DROOLS*

self-made holiday for myself!
i tio bomb by some ppl lor!! ):
ytd head to town with maureen aftermath met dear & sharon.
and i went back sembawang met laogong & co.
here are some piccs. taken wit my lappy~


ok. messy hair i know.

fat face i know.

__

lastly,for the ppl who dont approve of wht im doing now.

what can you do to me ? come.

give me your best shot.

BUT,fucking know you're gonna face e consequenses yourself.

i dont regret.

and there is fucking no room for regrets.

bye!!!

sibeh ho chio leh!

LOL! town with maureen later!! :D

muacks!

anecdotes.

when im feeling down..


im thankful to have great classmates!!
they are funny & good! =D
this is e pics when we went out 2 weeks ago to partyworld!
enjoy!! dancing was fun! =X

VIVIAN'S GIANT PALM!!!!

we are scared ):

we love Gerald. (pukes*) (he's an irritant actually.)

lucky wenjie!!!

we are gangsters :D

now we are rockers :D

and we are shocked now =.=

each diff expression (:

we ask you diam la. LOL.

KAYPOH!

maybe you can decide what you want to do.

i made my mind. unless you do what i want.

but since you choose to make excuses and brk promises,

wht shld i do? wht i requested for was so little.

yet you couldnt give in.

yar right. maybe we shld give up man!

im so sick of this. _l_

bye ppl!

Late pics.

i look ugly in all e pics!!!!
but nvm,memories sake!~
my birthday at Admiral Bar! :D

its not only my b'day! bt also Junjie (brother's) b'day!

weijie

me & b'day brother!! haha.

thanks to friends who attended (:

my lovable good boy classmates who attended (:

hahahaha. sorry jiejie teach you all bad =X

many others attended but all look CMI so i rather nt post ar.

drunk tat nite :X

LOL. jianwei loves carebear (white)

vicious cycle.

removed my tagboard.
cos nobody tag,lazy reply tags and passerby(s) are boliao.
ask me dont cut Q that kind =/

whatever lah.
i v pekcek.

LEARN TO APPRECIATE ME.
DONT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED. TYVM

boredom!

lazing at home now..
ate dimsum wit bf,
cos i gave school a miss today.
im slightly feverish & lazy to go for mass run!
ytd cooked porridge and bring to bf's house give him eat. (:
he is so blissful eh! =X
sunplaza to meet e guys afterwards.
heard many thgs frm them.. only angers me more.
ate at cavana and bought some snacks & a vry cute cupnoodle to vian's house.
she is sick and nobody's at home ,
so i decided to surprise her with some of her favourite food to cheer her up.
aftermath cabbed home. reached home at 1am.
dropped dead in bed. haha.
waiting for dear sihui & sharon to dismiss from sch!
gg out with them later on.... what should i wear?/
alrights. gg t shower and grab an MC now! now! now!
tata!!! ><

LG<3

LG F350 is finally mine! (:
pinkyyyyyyluvvvvv~

<3

cheer up!
cos i care for you.
i've bought you your favourite kinder bueno & pink hello panda!
get well soon so you can eat them ok!
grab them before i eat finish :X


luv!
muack♥

WTH

DONT YOU FUCKING SHOW ME UR ATTITUDE.
KNN,I DONT NEED YOU!$#@$@@!
I HATE YOU SELFISH MONSDTERY$#@!#$$%#U^$&^
GO DIE OK? NB CB.
AND WAH YOU WASTED MY FUCKING 6HOURS OF MY PRECIOUS SATURDAY#@!
IT WAS MY OFF DAY FRM WRK OK! CHEEBYE.

02/04 deal with it.

unforgiven sins.
yet they dont require forgiving.
i was coping well,
but you had reappear.
everyone around me always talks about you,
like nobody spares a thought for me.
please everyone stop.
i dont want to know.

dreams.
what are dreams?
is it true that what you think about in the day is what you dream of at nite?
i cried in my dreams and woke up crying even harder tis morning,
everything is so realistic.
today is just a normal thursday...
ate at 806,ate fish&chips to cheer myself up.
acted like insane to hide myself....
went focus study.. smoked... blah blah.
like anyone cares huh. fuck it.

it is just a normal gloomy thursday for me.
i kept telling myself.

happy 18th!

happy 18th b'day WeiQuan!
enjoy yourself!! =D

tag me pls everyone!!
teehees!!!!!!!
muack♥

late.

love my bf who will laze around in my bed with me,
protect me when im scared,stay awake with me when afraid,
assure me when im paranoid,tell me bedtime stories when i want him to,
tell me jokes when im down,play silly games with me when im bored,
watch cartoons with me for hours on end,hug me when im cold,
hold me back when i walk away,put his hands around my waist when i need him,
promise not to walk away forever....... (:
there is so much more than just this.
thank god,we have a very loving relationship,
we're still going strong. no words can describe how much i love him~
i am the witness in our relationship,and i truly know how good baobei is to me.
i can think for myself,i dont need people to tell me what to do. thank you.





better late than never ehhhh. haha.
happy birthday Vivian.

we have been tgt for 4 years already.. haha.
time does pass by very fast!!!


dont say i not good. give you a kiss want anot?

loves hor?

hello? can you hear me?
if you do pls reply!!!

anyway. sweet 16!!
luvss~


what i can do is mediocre.
i cannot do more than that.
but nevertheless,.....

♥

goodnites!
awwww, shit. school tmr.

Luv is not easily replaced.

♥彼は、私が今愛している唯一の男性です。

taken on my birthday!




私の過去が私が決して覚えたくない悪夢で、
決して再び考えることを望んでいません...
私は決して今はもう過去について言いたくありません。
私が過去にたびたび行くこと傷以外の何ものも私に引き起こさないでください...
私は決して再びそれについて考えたくありません。

point of view♥

cute MV!! :D
Mr Ong, i love you!!!
you are better than jagabee,macarons,or har-gaw!! :p

MUACKS~

you never tell, i'll never know.
after ytd's, we both realised.
things are better now..
at least for me, i guess.
i will learn to be better,i swear it wunt be just trying on your part alone.
im sure we will manage better this time around.
it was e first day of sch today!
and it was quite a good day,
funny classmates,canteen food,jagabee and so many tidbits in my bag. :3


photos taken when i went singing wit her (:

we ♥ Macarons!

i understand.

i guess this time i really understand what i want.

this time i really really do.

this is my private space,

i want to spill out whatever's been kept within me.

i want to tell someone the way i feel.

i want someone to offer words of encouragement,words of advices.

or should it be i need someone to?..

all this time, i know myself what people did to me,

i know who is true and who is not.

i wont say im always right,but i really think its enough.

it should be time to put an end to this.

i am someone who is very emotional.

i take relationships in very high regard.

there are only few that i trust, yet someone i trust most broke it.

people keep telling me i am too stubborn.

people keep telling me to see for myself,

yes i see it. yet my heart keep reminding me about how good you were in the past.

you are a changed person in terms of everything.

but i chose to forgive. when i questioned you,you denied.

and i believed you. i believed our bond was stronger.

but what you did time and time again has proven me wrong.

i feel so numb now. i dont want to pursue it anymore.

i just want to keep my distance. i dont want to know anything more.

it doesnt hurt you even a bit.

why is this fucking thing that dont matter to you causing such a fucking scar??!!

WHY?! i am a fucking fool.

to tell the truth,im so sick of this.

im so tired of you,tired of feigning ignorance,tired of everything about you.

you were always the good person,and im the bad person.

because YOU FUCKING PEOPLE DONT BOTHER TO OBSERVE,

whoever said that a nice wrapping paper will ensure a nice present?

maybe it was my fault. maybe i didnt know how to settle things with a better way,

i am very straightforward, i can be aggressive.

but that is better than being soft spoken but you have so much anger in you right?

so sorry im not that kind of girl. i wish i can be like you too,

i can always automatically be the victim.

i was wrong in the past. i regret what i did.

i apologised. i guess you still hate me for what i've done tho you claim you forgive me.

you did wrong, no apologies no nothing...

i think i am too slow to join in your game,i am too lag to play along.

i am not as ruthless as you eliminating whoever standing in your way.

all this time was just me. me alone being stupid.

i've wasted years on being with someone who replace me with another person so easily.
maybe i am no good too. so let it be fair to you now,
you dont need me,or maybe someone can replace me easily.
i cant be bothered anymore. this just feels so crazy.
forgive and forget? no.. you are not even sorry about it.
i will remember forever.
i will remember how everything that used to be so familiar sent tears down my face.
when you need me i wont be around anymore.
last thing for you. - FUCK YOU_l_
all this time,i can only rely on a few trusted friends and my dearest bf.

UNLUCKY ME.

scream!*
daddy & mummy gg t kill me alrdy!!
seriously its been a very unlucky week for me
i lost my hp on my b'day and tgt my other belongings flew away too.
whoever stole it will have roting hands and feet!
few days ago in sch for no reason,i got called by the DM for spotcheck.
as you all will expect i have ciggies in my bag.
7 stix okieee wtf. it got confiscated-.-
and i must pay a fine. why am i so unlucky!!!!!!!!!!!?
and no it havent ended k.
ytd my POA teacher called mummy and complain hell lots of thgs.
mummy's in m'sia,she called back expecially t scold me eh!
so you see how serious all tis is?
i am so fucking pissed with evrythg ard me laaaaaaaaaaaa!!
when will everythg get better?
huh? no cash,no brains.
i have nothing. WHAT THE FUCK!

no i dont.

wht's e point of all tis?
im being blamed now ya...
ok whatever la.
no matter how hard i explain also cant clear my name,
so wht is e point?
if what i said is not clear enough to you,
or if anyone find me very very wrong,
i will advice that you dont trust me.
i dont want to know anyway.
it dont do me any good.
yet i am labelled as the selfish one.
if you distrust me,just let me know..
i cant force you to trust me anyway.
in your opinion,wht i do wrg pls let me knw..
dont keep it inside. i wont blame you.
bcos i am no angel,i know.



so let me tell you how it feels.

nevermind. at least you love me most.,
ppl wrg me,i say nevermind,
ppl dont trust me also nevermind,
even if everyone hate me also nevermind.
you treat me most good.

our love still going strong (:
close to a year,..
there will be more years to come...
and i will wait till you bring me go taiwan honeymoon k!

sucks.

why cant i do what i like?
why cant money fall frm sky?
why must we suffer hardships?
why must ppl play game with relationship?
why is nothing fair?
why doesnt good triumph over evil?
why doesnt anyone tear off your mask to reveal you?
why is it always UNFAIR?

mixed emotions.

1) im 16 soon!
drinking till i drop? yes? no?
better not i hate migraines!! hahaha
enjoy myself? definite yes!
thank you to all who's gonna turn up. (:
and readers! pls wish me on e 6th k!

2) ALL MY GIRLS PLS CHEER UP!
i want to be a saint,i want to shut up.
maybe being a kind soul doesnt help at all,
bcos i cant get e best of both worlds.
1 advice? be positive. thats all.

3) exams kills.
i got a big fat zero for math again...

4) my shopping list has to wait!
longchamp wait for me (:

AND WHAT THE FUCK,
IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM
YOU JUST SAY IT IN MY FACE.